Are you sleepwalking into 2026 with
the attention span of a goldfish?
Or have you got a plan to
fix your focus before the new year?
Because if you don't take action, the chances
are you're going to spend your Christmas
break replacing work stress with doom scrolling.
Fear not though, today we are going to show
you how to fix your focus and reboot your
brain before the bells on New Year's Eve.
Welcome to episode 9 of
The Outlifting Lounge, I'm Alan.
And I'm Derec, this is the show that's
all about pride, fitness and everything in between.
In this episode we're going to be deep diving
into why your focus is broken and giving you
actionable steps to help you fix your attention spam.
So by the end of this show we hope that
you will know your brain a little bit better and
know exactly what you need to do between now and
the new year to give your brain a reset.
Right why don't we kick off the show by looking
at the problem, our shrinking attention span, and Derec
I think you've got some shocking statistics for us.
So back in 2003, the average attention span when
looking at a screen was about two and
a half minutes before somebody would get distracted
and look away and look at something else.
So fast forward to today and can you guess what
it's gone down to from two and a half minutes?
I don't know, I'm going to say a minute and a half?
Cut that in half. No way!
Yeah, 47 seconds is the average attention span
now when trying to focus on one screen.
That is actually shocking. Yeah.
I think we can all relate to at least one
time when our attention span was less than a minute.
Yeah I think recently it's definitely come to light
more especially over the last few years you
know dopamine detox but the name dopamine detox
is a little bit misleading don't you think?
Yes so obviously we used it recently for a
post and I think part of the reason
that we used it was it's because it's
instantly recognisable by people so there's a couple
of interchangeable terms, dopamine detox or dopamine fasting
but the issue that people are having
nowadays is really overstimulation and when that
happens it affects the dopamine receptors in
your brain and how they process pleasure.
So it's more about dopamine regulation
rather than detoxing or fasting.
I guess a good way to explain
it is using a coffee analogy.
See you had a triple shot espresso every day.
If you then just had like
a normal shot, regular coffee,
It's not going to touch the sides and that's
what we need to do with overstimulation as well.
We need to be stimulated less so that
the normal stuff in life feels good again.
When you were talking about triple espressos,
I was thinking about our friend David.
He has a very high tolerance for caffeine. Yeah.
You can tell when he's had too much coffee because
he sends his messages as one sentence at a time.
Sometimes one word at a time.
So yeah, like the way coffee is a stimulant and
your body can get used to it as well.
We are surrounded by stimulation.
I'm going to hit you with a statistic as well.
I don't know the exact number, but I
think it's around 10,000 images a day.
and we are subject to that
every single day of our lives.
So think about that as overstimulation as well. That's crazy.
Modern life is pretty crazy though because if you
think like maybe even a few hundred years ago
the number of people that you would have seen
in your lifetime is probably what somebody who lives
in a city would see every single day now.
It's just constant mental stimulation and
when you add on to that
advertisements and the way shops are designed and
just the way everything is designed around you.
Everything is meant to trigger your
senses and stimulate your brain.
But nowadays it's just like white noise to us.
We don't actually realise that that's
happening, which is the scary thing,
which is what we're talking about.
I bet if I was to put a surveillance camera on
you 24-7 and then play it back, the amount of times
that you touch or look at your phone is probably
going to be way more than you think it is.
Yeah. I think you're really going to underestimate that.
I'm sure there's a picture on iPhones that tells
you how many times you pick up your phone.
Yeah, there is.
Your phone is essentially a
slot machine in your pocket.
It's so addictive, everything's geared up to be addictive.
Even the way, if you look at the way
your notifications are displayed on apps, they're always bright
red and that colour signifies danger, it signifies alarm
and it's to get your attention straight away.
Yeah, I think within our community
there's no better example than that
than Grindr, Scruff, apps like that.
It's how they're actually designed because you're
checking it for a message, for example.
That's the reward, the dopamine
hit that you're getting.
And I actually heard someone say once that every
time you open up Grindr, it's like going to
the fridge when you're hungry and opening the
door and expecting something different to be there.
And it doesn't happen sometimes, you know?
No, sometimes you open it up and it's
just something that's been in there for weeks.
It's gone rotten. Looking a bit off.
But that is it, every time you open
it you're hoping for something different or that
kind of instant gratification, that hit.
And it can create this kind of really toxic
validation loop as well because you want to feel
desired, you want to feel liked and needed.
People will experience this, you open up Grindr in
a new city and it's just like notification central.
And that, there is an excitement
and a thrill to that.
I miss those days. No you don't.
It's not really healthy because it feeds
something that can never be satiated.
You're always going to want more and more and more.
Yeah I think for gay men as well it's
not just about the distraction, it's also about that
validation like you said and the phantom buzz, like
how many times when you were single, just going
to throw that out there, have you had your
phone in your pocket and you've maybe thought that
you've felt the buzz or I'm sure there's been
times where I've thought I've heard the Grindr notification.
Bloop! Hang on, I need to get my phone. Where is it?
Oh aye, it's recording.
It reminds me of that time when we were
down on the beach on the 11th of November
for the big party that happens every year and
our pal Craig had his very loud speaker and
randomly through the day we kept playing the Grindr tone
through it and everybody kept reaching for their phones.
Do you know whether it is your phone, whether
it's like advertisements, TV, notifications, constant pings from emails,
whatever it is, it is really difficult in the
modern day to switch off and avoid this
stimulation but it's really important to do it.
And I think we're getting to the point of today's
show which is let's use the Christmas break to put
in place a few simple measures that we can all
do that will kind of start breaking this cycle a
little bit so that by the time 2026 comes around
you are a little less stimulated and your brain
is a little calmer so you can approach
the new year ready to really tackle it,
ready to be the best version of yourself.
Yeah the tips we're going to give are super simple
we're not saying that they're going to be easy because
we know how people feel about the phones and
the attachment to them but there's some absolute gems
in here that I think people can take away.
Yeah, these are really simple, really actionable tips that you
can just put in place really easily. Yeah, why don't
we start with the first one? So we're going to
start off with the foundations. So it's really about how
you start your day and this boils down to
making your bedroom into a bit of a sanctuary.
I know that I can be guilty of this and
it does affect how my focus is the rest of
that day but checking your phone first thing in the
morning looking at your phone checking messages it's not good.
The bedroom should be for
two things sleeping and sex.
Sleeping, sex, no scrolling.
So ideally your phone should not be in your
bedroom and that's what we're going to advocate for
as our first step in this series of tips.
So over the Christmas week
No phone.
You probably don't need your alarm over Christmas week anyway,
but if you do... Let's go back in time.
Old fashioned alarm clock. EHR EHR EHR!
That's your alarm clock impression.
Apparently we're doing impressions today.
So we've had my Grindr impression. My alarm clock.
You don't even need an old timey alarm
clock, just any alarm clock will do.
You can buy a cheap one and that eliminates
the reason for bringing your phone into your bedroom
because really you use that as an excuse.
100% we've got clients that are terrible
doomscrollers and that's what I talk to
them quite often about on check-ins.
Oh I'm knackered, I'm tired.
What time are you getting to sleep at?
Like oh I'll go to my bed at X time.
Yeah, that's not what I asked you.
Well, I get to sleep at this time because
I'm on my phone and I'm doing this.
There's no need to have your phone in the
bedroom when you go to bed at night.
We've done quite well recently so we have
replaced touching our phones in the bedroom last
thing at night with touching something else.
Touching our Kindles, Alan.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
We've been quite good at reading.
You bought a Kindle not that
long ago and we'll read.
It's a different kind of screen.
It's e-ink rather than an LED or an LCD screen.
There's no blue light.
It's really easy on the eye and... a bit like myself.
You're very humble.
Very easy to read and you don't get the
negative effects that you would have with your phone.
Like we said earlier it's simple and actionable but we know
that it won't be easy to do it so try it
for the Christmas week and just see how you go on.
Yeah and if anybody is looking for a recommendation for
an alarm clock Alan's going to hate this because I
had one when we lived in Glasgow but I felt
it was really good for this time of the year.
A sunrise simulation alarm clock. And the way it works
is you've got like it's almost like a small ring
light in the alarm clock and it starts a half
an hour before you you need to wake up.
It lights up very dimly and then over that
half hour it gradually gets brighter and brighter.
It's like the f***ing sun is in the bedroom!
Well, I like that.
It wakes me up naturally.
Rather than getting jolted awake,
you are woken up gradually.
Gently like, like somebody's just rocking you.
Wake up little lamb.
Aye, I was rocking yout to turn that f***ing alarm off.
To be fair, that is a good tip, especially at
this time of year in the northern hemisphere when
it's pitch black at half eight in the morning.
So, yeah, that's a good tip.
Yeah, it's not going to be for everybody, but for
some listeners, it might be exactly what they want.
So the second tip or step that we want to
kind of press home today is more about like emptying
all of the mental clutter out of your brain that
you have carried into this part of the year.
So what we want people to do is to
sit down for maybe 20 minutes with own-fashioned
pen and paper and do a brain dump.
Yeah, it's a brilliant way of just getting all
that clutter out of your head and we quite
often actually recommend this to clients who are having
trouble sleeping at night as well as doing it
every night just dumping the day and getting it
down but definitely the end of the year is
a brilliant time to do it as well.
And we're not talking about making a to-do list.
That's not what this is about.
It's about just anything, any thoughts in
your head, any worries that you have
perhaps going into the new year.
Maybe there are going to be some things that
you need to do or you want to
do or hopes and aspirations that you have.
Anything that is rattling about your brain because
your brain is not a storage device.
Just dump it all on a page.
The good thing about that is once you've got it down on
pen and paper you can have a look at it and think
right out of this what can I actually just let go?
Yeah, definitely.
And that frees up even more space in your
brain as well because you don't have to think
about it anymore and then you can focus on
the things that are most important to you. Absolutely.
The other good thing about that approach is
that hopefully when you've done that you will
have a few things in there that
you can turn into New Year's resolutions.
I'm just about to have a RuPaul moment.
That is a perfect opportunity for us to
talk about our New Year's workshop that's happening.
It's almost like I did that on purpose.
We have got a New Year's workshop coming up and
we just want to take 60 seconds out to let
you know about it because this is something for you.
It's going to be totally free.
It's something that we are giving to you
as loyal viewers and listeners of the show.
So in the new year we are going
to be running a new year's resolution workshop.
So that will be a free
webinar at the start of January.
You will get a really comprehensive
workbook with that as well.
and together as a group we are going to
go through the process of setting really effective
goals and action plans based on our resolutions.
Then throughout the month of January either Alan or I
will check in with you on a weekly basis to
see how you're doing, see if you need some pointers
or support and then at the end of January
again we'll all meet up on a video chat
and we'll see how we've got on
and discuss the next steps forward.
This is the ultimate way for you to kickstart 2026
and make it your year with resolutions that stick.
So if you are interested and hopefully you
are, you can join the waiting list for
that and we will email you out to
let you know when the registration goes live.
So we will put a link in the
show notes or in the description to that.
So make sure you go down. Don't waste time.
Click that, get registered now and we
will send you a details very soon.
Let's get back to the show though, Alan.
Okay. So the next tip to fix our
focus is actually reclaiming boredom because boredom
is actually where the magic happens.
Now think about it.
If you are standing in a queue in
a supermarket or an ad break comes on
TV, what's the first thing that we do?
Pull out our phone. Exactly.
Maybe subconsciously people think about boredom
like it's some sort of disease.
Like it's a bad thing that has
to be avoided at all costs.
Like they can't be alone with their own thoughts.
But that's not the way our brains are built.
Our brains are built to need boredom.
So the science behind that actually is
that when we're bored, our brain
shifts into the default mode network.
which is really crucial for
things like creativity and planning.
A term like default mode network won't mean much
to some people but what I want people to
think of it as is when you're daydreaming,
when your mind's wandering, when you're not really
doing very much, that's the default mode network.
And if you're a Pisces like me, you
do that quite often without thinking about it.
Yeah. Or if you've got ADHD like me and you're
left unstimulated, that's all I'm going to do.
The opposite of the default mode network is when you
are right stuck in the middle of a task.
So think about working out, writing a
really important work email or driving.
And we know from research that there's certain
parts of your brain that just light up
when you zone out the outside world and
just let your brain do its thing.
Yeah, your brain is just like
any other part of your body.
It needs regular rest and recovery.
When you go to the gym to work out
your muscles, you do your set and then you
have some rest before you do your next set.
That is quite a good analogy as well because
you need to let the muscle rest before
you're ready to take on that next task.
And the problem is in modern day a lot of
people are not resting their brain, they are just
like full steam ahead and eventually they hit burnout.
And taking it back to everyday tasks as well, every
time you pick up your phone that's you shifting
your brain into the active mode and it's taking
it away from the downtime that your brain needs.
Yeah, think about the times when you
don't have your phone on you.
I have had some of my best ideas in
the shower when I don't really have that stimulation.
I'm just, I'm relaxed.
I've got the water on me.
I'm nice and warm and have great ideas because
my brain has gone into that default mode network.
So the tip here that we're giving
you is try something called strategic boredom.
So it's about doing single tasks.
So if it's
cooking some dinner or folding the washing, actually
just focus on that task and then
it allows your mind to shift into
that creativity side that it's yearning for.
And that it's really easy to implement over
the Christmas break just don't have your
phone on you focus on one thing
be mindful about what you're doing, whether
it's cooking, whether it's cleaning, whether it's
folding clothes, whatever it is, let
yourself just be in the moment.
So we're reclaiming boredom, so the next step on
fixing our focus is dumbing down our smartphone.
So what we're advocating for is specific measures to
make your phone less distracting, less stimulating so that
when you go into the new year you are
less inclined to touch it 5,000 times a day.
Still talking about the phone here, yeah.
So for example, 8pm, my phone goes
on to do not disturb automatically.
So I get no notifications apart
from certain people that I've set
up that their notifications come through.
Am I on the list? You're one of them, don't worry.
Special like my dad, best friends, people that maybe need
to get in contact with us for an emergency.
Anything other than that just doesn't get through to me.
And that's a really good tip, so
do a notification audit on your phone.
You can go into your settings, check which
apps are allowed to send you notifications.
It is a good idea to switch
off the non-essential or the non-human notifications.
So keep on your messages, your
WhatsApps, whatever it is, so that
you're getting your messages from people.
But the apps on your phone that you have
installed and enabled notifications for and those apps that
you just blank out now or swipe off,
actually go in and disable those notifications so
that there is less noise in your life.
Yeah. Another thing I've got set up on my
phone as well is it limits the amount
of time that I spend on social media.
So to help me with that I set up a time limit
it gives me two hours a day on Instagram and on Facebook.
It's just a really good way of
focusing your brain to say actually I've been on here
for quite a big period of the day so even
if you do say ignore the limit for the day
at least you bring an awareness to the fact
of how much time you're spending on it and
then the next time it pops up you might
think actually you have had enough of that today.
That's really good.
It's a very useful feature.
I also use it and one of the ways that I use
it is for specific websites that I might go to a little
too often to check news, things like that. So I have got
those set up with a time limit of zero. So I'm not
allowed on them and it means that as soon as I go
to that site I get the pop-up saying time limit met
and what that does is create a pause, it makes me
stop to second guess myself and think do I actually want
to go on this website? And surprisingly that really works for
me. So quite a lot of the time I'll say oh
I've caught myself on just as a reflex action going
to a website or something. So it really does work.
Another really good thing that you do and I
don't do it is having your phone on grayscale.
I have got it set up as a shortcut on my
phone and there is a button on my control centre on
my iPhone where I can turn it on and off manually.
But the shortcut every morning turns
my phone onto grayscale mode.
So when I pick up my phone, the first time I
pick up my phone in the day, there's no colour whatsoever.
And it's amazing what that does because suddenly this
hyper stimulation machine that goes in your pocket is
significantly less stimulating when you look at it.
It's a brilliant tip.
I notice in the mornings in the living room
when our phones are sitting next to each other.
My phone is definitely looking a
bit more appealing because it's in
full colour whereas yours is in grayscale. It's a really good tip.
And do you know, I don't keep it on grayscale all day.
So once the morning part of my day is over I
manually disable it and the phone goes back to colour.
It actually has a very beneficial effect for
me and I would recommend it to anybody.
Yeah do you know what I think I might
actually try that over the Christmas break as well.
Good I'll hold you to that.
What we also want people to do over the
Christmas break and what I personally am going to
do too is to ruthlessly reorganise your phone.
And what that's going to look like is getting
rid of the apps that you don't really
use that are just cluttering up your screen.
the apps that you actually need to keep but you don't
use that often, stuffing them in a folder, having them where
you don't see them. The apps that you know are not
good for you and you maybe should give up. Be ruthless.
Delete them. Think about it like clearing out your wardrobe you
know when you have a wardrobe clear out and you're like
oh I might wear it I might not wear it and
then you're just like no get rid of it it's the
same with the apps as well. I might use it I
might not use it if you haven't been in that
app in the past two weeks get rid of it.
Yep, definitely. You don't need it.
Don't need it in your life. Get rid.
And another thing that we're advocating, and it's kind
of like the keep the phone out of
the bedroom, is keep it out of sight.
And I actually do this on a Friday
night when you're out collecting with Checkpoint.
I keep it in the kitchen so that I
can watch my murder mysteries without any interruptions.
Yes, your nice soothing murder mysteries.
Yes, exactly.
And do you know what like our kitchen
worktop isn't actually that far from our couch
but the fact that it's there and it's
out of reach it really really works.
Yeah it does work and I
don't charge my phone overnight.
and part of the reason I don't is because
I don't really like leaving it plugged in.
But when I get up in the morning and
check my phone, it's normally on less than 20%.
So it means that I need
to charge my phone first thing.
So I plug it in, in the kitchen, leave it
charging and I go and sit on the sofa.
And again, it's that barrier.
It's like, oh, I need to get up to get my phone.
It's not just beside me and
it stops me from using it.
Yeah, it's so simple but so effective as well.
Yeah. So I think we have covered quite
a few tips with the phone.
I think that's enough for anybody to
get on with over the Christmas break.
There are lots of other ways that you can do this.
There's lots of other resources out there.
But for now, let's leave that and then move on
to our next step on the Fix Your Focus journey.
So yeah the next tip is about focus being physical
and we're not going to dwell on this too
much because we'll end up repeating a lot of
the things we've been saying over the past few
weeks but exercise is so important for your focus.
So I've got these pillars in my
life which are eat, sleep, hydrate, move.
And if any one of those falls out of
whack the others seem to go as well but
it really is exercise and sleep are the two
most important of those and of those I
think exercise is the one that underpins everything.
So I notice if I have not been able
to exercise whether I have been injured or whether
I'm just really busy and I've had to forego
exercise for a day or two, proper
exercise, I notice that my focus just goes
really significantly and I feel that but when
my body is moving it's so much better.
And do you know what I really see that difference
in you as well and over the Christmas period
we're not talking about hitting a two hour gym
session something like a 10-15 minute HIIT workout is
going to really help you bring that focus back.
Yeah it's a really good brain booster and
touching on what we said last week in
our episode with the Christmas tips it's something
that you can do really easily as well.
You can have a quick workout in a bedroom with resistance
band or go out for a brisk walk or a jog.
It doesn't need to be something super intense.
Another thing and you've touched on it already
for you specifically is sleep as well.
And we've touched on this before so we're
going to go into a little bit more
detail about why sleep is so important.
Sleep's important for lots of different reasons
but one of the big ones when
it comes to mental focus and clarity
and really just staying sharp is the
glymphatic system in your brain, which
is like the waste system essentially.
So that is what flushes out all of
the bad stuff and moves things like nutrients
around in your brain to keep it regulated.
So that is super, super, super
active when you are asleep.
It's much less active when you're awake.
So again, sleep, it all comes back to sleep.
It's so important.
and I think people really do underestimate how
important sleep is and hopefully from these
tips that we're seeing people are starting
to realise just how important it is.
Once you have that nailed and you've got a
good sleep pattern and you are feeling very
rested, you're able, so much better able to
tackle so many other aspects of your life.
Yeah, a top tip as well is about auditing
your bedroom so it's things like eye masks, like
heavy curtains, bedding and I use them, Loop ear
plugs and we're not plugging them, pardon the
pun, you don't have to say, get them.
But they definitely help me with my sleep.
Also, and this is something that I really miss but
having a bath because we don't have a bath here.
Before bed is really good some Epsom
salts, some lavender bubble bath, and that
will just help you sleep even better.
Yes, really, really important to protect sleep.
That's a big one for me but as well as that
it doesn't just have to be sleep because there is research
to show that going into a state of deep rest.
So recently it's been called non-sleep deep
rest and that really is just like
a modern day reinterpretation or rebranding of
something that's quite ancient which is a yoga
nidra and that is essentially like meditating, putting
your brain into a state of deep calm.
You can do that yourself or you
can listen to some guided meditations
and like I said there's research to show
that 20 minutes of doing that can be
really beneficial for your brain and it can
give you some of the benefits of sleep.
So if you have had a bad night's sleep, you
are a bit sleep deprived, doing that can help
a little bit to offset some of the negatives.
And it doesn't even have to be long sessions either.
When we taught Bodybalance in Glasgow, we used
to do meditation at the end and it was
maybe between like five and ten minutes, let's say.
How many times at the end of the meditation
people would be like, I nodded off there?
you know and they felt amazing after it
because they just had that short space of
time where they could just completely switch off.
It's about giving yourself permission to do that.
When people came to that class they were doing
their yoga moves and everything else and it was
just that little five to ten minute block at
the end of the class we gave them permission
to just switch off, the lights went down and
it was quite magical because you could
see people when they left the
room sometimes, they were floating out.
They were just so relaxed and chilled
because they felt like they'd had a
good night's sleep after ten minutes.
And it actually used to take them quite a
while to leave the class because they were just
so like, oh my god, the f**k am I?
you know and also they didn't really want
to step back out into reality either because
they were enjoying that moment for themselves and
a lot of the times during the meditation
we would speak about that, wouldn't we?
Like give yourself permission to relax, this is
your time, don't feel guilty about it, you
deserve it and yeah it was really magical.
And it's amazing how quickly somebody
can change their mental state.
Just like that their mental state can change and
we lose sight of that from day to
day when we are busy, when we're stressed.
Actually sometimes 10 minutes is all it
takes to just change how you're feeling.
Maybe we need to start doing some guided meditation
sessions as part of the channel because somebody
did say a few weeks ago that we've
got voices that people could fall asleep to.
Okay, maybe.
We'll look into that in the new year.
So shall we wrap up then?
I think that's all of our tips covered.
So we hope you've enjoyed those tips and we really
do hope there's been something that you find in
there that you can action. Something really easy, something
really simple, you can implement over the Christmas period
that is going to make you fix your focus.
Go buy the alarm clock, that's step one.
Buy your alarm clock, phone out the
room and then tackle everything else.
As always, thank you very much
for tuning in to the show.
Remember, Outlifting Lounge is just part of what we do.
Alan and I run Outlifting, which is a
personal training and online fitness coaching service for
gay, bi and trans men who want to
change their bodies and build unstoppable confidence.
And our service is available globally.
If that kind of thing interests you,
we can arrange a free video call.
It's absolutely no obligation and you can see if
our service is a good fit for you.
So please visit our website.
It is outlift.ing and there is a button
on there to book your free discovery call.
It'll bring you to a calendar where you can
pick your date and time and that's it. Really super simple.
And are you following us on social media?
If not, why not?
You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok
@outlift.ing Remember that offer as well.
We are going to be launching the New
Year's Resolution Workshop in the new year.
So make sure you check the link
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But for now, over and outlifting.